Say What You Need to Say

What a great quote.

Lately, I've been thinking about the fear of rejection and how it affects us.  It's interesting that no matter how confident we are, the fear of criticism, feeling unloved, or simply to be told "no", is something we all struggle with.

I've been in many situations where I was afraid to speak up.  I don't like confrontation and I try not to stir the pot.  But sometimes my fear of confrontation isn't logical; I've been hesitant to give someone a compliment, because of the fear the person might respond negatively---even if I say something positive-that irrational.

And don't get me started on boys.  I once (okay it was pretty recent) came to the extremely illogical conclusion that a cute boy was already in a relationship, so I wouldn't have to embarrass myself trying to talk to him (because hellooooo, I didn't want to disrespect what he and his girlfriend had together!)...what?!

The fear of rejection goes beyond a sub-par romantic comedy.  It is real life, and it can hold us back in real situations.  This fear creeps up on us in the smallest situations (like my examples above), and also prevents us from building relationships, expanding professional networks, and taking advantage of major opportunities.  We can become so focused on the negatives, the riskiness of a decision, or the chance of humiliation, that we don't ask for what we want, or say what we feel or know is right.  And what good is that?  I mean, we are so scared of being embarrassed, alone, and failing, but that fear is what ultimately causes us to be alone, embarrassed and, well, fail.

Facing rejection is inevitable, but beating ourselves up over it doesn't have to be.  In most cases, the answer to any question will result in a "yes" or "no".  If the answer is "yes", we get what we want.  If the answer is "no", we either work towards that "yes", or realize that there is something better in store for us anyway.  That rejection tests us, and causes us to prove how much we want something, and how determined we are to get it.

When I talk about not being afraid of rejection and saying what you feel, I'm obviously not talking about being disrespectful or rude to someone just because you dislike them.  I'm talking about us all working towards being unapologetic for expressing ourselves.  I'm talking about telling someone how much you admire them (or think they're a QT), explaining why you deserve a higher grade, internship, job or promotion.  I'm also talking about standing up for your opinions, and not compromising your values and beliefs in order to be well-liked.  Because as scary as it may be, there is a sense of accomplishment that occurs when you lay everything out on the table. 

Another point I'd like to make is that the person who rejected you in whatever way, likely wasn't trying to embarrass you or make you feel unwanted.  We can be thinking about the situation for days, even weeks, and they probably forgot about the whole thing 10 seconds later.  Just think about the last time you had negative feelings about someone you said "no" to...it's probably not that common (unless the person was mean or aggressive or something).  Simply put, we can read more into a situation than necessary. 

This weekend, and for the rest of the summer and beyond, let's all try to [respectfully] say what we need to say in every aspect of our lives (no matter how big or small).  Let's move past the fear of rejection as best we can, and let our words and efforts to express ourselves contribute to our success, and more importantly, our happiness and self-acceptance!

How do you plan on dealing with your fear of rejection??